4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
