I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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