At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
