I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
