My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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