The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
