dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
