Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
