Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
