Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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