please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
