this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
