I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
