did you get engaged???
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
