What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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