all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
