Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
