She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
