Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
