i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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