I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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