3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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