yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
