best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
