And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
