I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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