I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
