he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
