but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
