My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
