His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
