Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
