this beer tastes like vomit already
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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