I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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