Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
