My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
