but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
