sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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