At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
