I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
