i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
