If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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