they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just found puke in my bra..
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
