I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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