woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
