omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
