i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Do vagina's smell?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
