I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
