Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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