so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
