at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
