Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
