That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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