you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
