Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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