Say something about gay babies.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
