So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Enjoy the penises
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
