Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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